I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
