My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
