fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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