I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
