whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
