Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
