i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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