They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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