im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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