Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
