I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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