ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
