Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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