it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
