Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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