This is not my ceiling
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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