My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
