So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
