oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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