My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
