Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
