I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
