I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
