Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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