This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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