Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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