HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
