I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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