You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
