look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
