i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
