Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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