she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
