I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
