I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
