used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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