OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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