I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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