Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
