dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
