I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
