I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
