You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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