i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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