Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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