Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
