somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why do cheetos always look like penises
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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