This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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