tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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