yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
