when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
